there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
