I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
