I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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