he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
