I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
