He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
