p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
