Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
