and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
