waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
