a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
