I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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