i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
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He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
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I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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