hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
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