called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
