Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
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When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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