Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
