I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
