The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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