I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
