She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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