K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
