Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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