There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
