so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
