so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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