I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
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My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
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He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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