dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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