omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
