i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
