She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
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