you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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