That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
