Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
