I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
