Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
