My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
