I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
