I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
