We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
