I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
