South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
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i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
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Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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