you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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