I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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