"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
