Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
