Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
