I want to have your abortion
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize