a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
