Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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