dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
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