Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
