I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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