Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
