There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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