it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
