I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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