I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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