I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
