I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
