she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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