Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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