I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
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His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
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Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
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