Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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