wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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