I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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